Obsession

My studio mate asked me a few days ago if I was relieved that all the artwork was finished for the show. Yes! The fear that I wouldn’t make it is behind me; there is all the other work to do – photographing and cataloging, organizing the food for the reception, more invitations to send out and today, hanging the show. So yes, I’m relieved, excited and looking forward to the next chapter. 

But there is another side to this story as well. The truth is I already miss the obsession of working on the show. It is a little healthier than some addictions, but it is still an addiction. When I am in the grip of obsession, I know what I have to do in the morning. There is a force that is steering the boat and I am just along for the ride.  I’m having supper, I’m thinking about the next piece of art. I wake in the middle of the night gripped by the next coat of varnish/soft gel that has to go on. I’m looking out the car window at trees and thinking about new ways to capture their forms. I love this feeling. I love the amazing power it has. I worked 12 hour days for almost 6 weeks straight. When I’m possessed I do yoga every morning, eat healthier and get to bed on time. All that matters is the art. The rest of the world barely exists.

And that, of course, is the problem – the rest of Life. I fortunately have a loving, supportive partner who not only puts up with my emotional disappearance but also aids and abets me with delicious meals and taking over the household management while I am gone. But you can’t say it is a balanced way to live.

So I am returning to the complexity of Life. Now it is time to figure out how to cook again with a broken foot and crutches. While I was possessed, I hardly noticed that I was disabled!. I’ve just  taken in that the seasons have turned from spring to summer. I begin to read the paper again. My long suffering friends will get phone calls, my dog will get more playtime. Most of all Peter will no longer feel he is living alone.

Healthier, but I sure do miss the Force.